"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I asked my almost three year old as we rocked in her room after reading her new Sofia The First book.
"Umm..."
"Do you want to be a fire fighter?"
"No mommy"
She said with a giggle
"Do you want to be a teacher?"
"No mommy"
She giggled even more.
"Do you want to be a princess?"
I knew she couldn't say no to that.
"No mommy!"
I was in shock, "Well what do you want to be when you grow up?!"
Her answer would blow me away...
"You mommy!"
She had the biggest smile on her face giggling.
I could not believe what she just said. Nothing could make me more happy in that moment nothing making me more proud.
"Well I hope you have a sweet baby like you someday Emma."
Time stood still as we cuddled only noise being the rocking chair creaking.
As a mom I am always evaluating my parenting skills reading the latest parenting blogs and yet at the end of the day I wonder what I could do better. I always see were I could have not lost my patients so fast or maybe stopped doing dishes to go play some more with her.
As the mom I wonder if I am actually doing a good job helping shape her into the person she is meant to be, keeping her safe , protecting her from all the ugly things the world has waiting to throw at her. Maybe I shelter her to much, should I relax and let her have some breathing room? Where is the boundaries when it comes to this job position and everyone seems have their own ideas of what those boundaries are.
But through her eyes she sees me, me loving her with all I have. She's sees a mommy who drops everything for any little need she has. She's sees someone who kisses her booboos, gives her space when she needs it, and cuddles her any chance I can. She sees a mommy who can make the best PB&J and grilled cheese. Some one who always gives her kisses good night.
She sees a mommy who gives chances but not to many. She sees a mommy who always gives her a safe place when the world isn't. She sees me her mommy her best friend. The person she wants to be like when she grows up.
So next time I want to lose my temper over the terrible drivers around us on the road, tell her I need to clean and will play later. Next time I want to sigh over reading the same book enough times in one day I can quote it word for word. Next time I want to pull my hair out while she's throwing a temper tantrum I need to remember right now
She wants to be like me. And I should want her to be like me, a better verision and I know she is because she is such a strong independent little person. The confidence she has now I have worked my whole to have. I am so proud of this tiny person who calls me mommy.
Even though there are days I feel like everything is going down hill she looks up to me, she watches my every move, every reaction. And even though I knew this all along, her answer of what she wants to be when she's grows up gave me a reality check.
Because through her eyes I am her mommy.
