Before we became parents I remember seeing kids running around doctor offices or screaming at grocery stores and I think we can all say we thought we would never let that happen. She would learn to be a little adult and listen right away. Ha! That was a nice dream.
I guess when I pictured having kids that they would be just like I was and I knew what type of discipline worked with me and what type of encouragement worked and that's how I would parent.
But reality hit and I learned very quickly that even though she has a lot of the same traits as I do she is much much different than I am.
Growing up I was a pleaser and could not stand getting in trouble and would do whatever to make sure I didn't get in trouble. Emma on the other is very strong willed basically complete opposite of me.
I have stood my ground I follow through with discipline and yet we still but heads.
Before our last move while my husband was away training I had made chart for Emma where she received a sticker every time she was good. I knew that while her dad was away she tends to act up more which is normal for military kids and trying to make a positive poster for her to show her dad when he comes home helped so much.
Then we moved and things have been hectic and I simply hadn't put up a new poster for her.
The past four months Emma has acted out her emotions. We have seen setbacks which I was prepared to see as in no interest in potty training anymore and acting out towards other kids and ect. But at some point we have to get back on track, getting back into a routine and schedule is very important for children especially for strong willed children.
It is amazing how bringing this back has changed her attitude!
Being a strong willed child; time outs, spanking and any other discipline doesn't work with her. She has to make her own choices and to her it doesn't matter the cost. So now having a chart she feels she is in control of something besides making mom go crazy and this is something she can see.
The chart will constantly change as I see fit. Right now here are things we need to work on and once these become habits we will change the chart.
Listening
She is easily distracted so getting a sticker for coming right away when called or doing something without being asked more than once gets a sticker.
Using words
Being that most of the time it's just the two of us we can have our own language but I encourage her to talk to me using her words, telling me what she wants or needs instead of acting out and throwing a fit.
Sharing
Since moving sharing has become very difficult for her understandably but it's one we work on to share right away.
Good in public
I go help my husband train kids for usmc boot camp and since daddy is still working it is important for Emma to be on her best behavior some days it's hard though being two.
Polite
Asking nicely for things saying please, thank you, answering people when being talked to, responding back when asked name, ect.
Asking for help
Emma is very independent and sometimes one just needs help, but for her asking for help is not an option. This isn't a bad thing at all and I am my trying to take her Independence away I am trying to polish her in a way. When she is working on something sometimes she needs help and asking for it is just as important. Especially when she is trying to pour a gallon of orange juice!
Being helpful
Like I said I want Emma to be independent it's a great trait to have.
Anytime she is able to do something on her own or help mommy do chores.
I have learned that for Emma, she responds better to positive discipline than negative. She responds to the chart and it becomes a snow ball effect into wanting to be good to show daddy at the end of the day of all the good things she did and then these things become habits and we move on to other habits we need to work on. Each child is different and I am learning how this child speaks her love language. I love the change of attitude I see now and will make sure to not stop doing the chart for awhile. It also has helped Emma want to start potty training again which using the chart helped her learn how exciting it is to put stickers on the chart which lead up to a bigger surprise after keeping it up. Its our way of graduating that step and moving on to the next step. Using the same method truly has helped and I found Emma (most the time) now eager to get back on the potty.
It may seem as if I am bribing my child to be good and she should just be good because she should know better. But how does she learn to know better? She learns from being told no when acting up and being praised when she is being good. This is how I praise her and so far from the last time I did the chart, these things do become habit and once they do we no longer make that a big deal and move on to new things.
This is what works for her and I am happy that our days are becoming more good days than bad days where we are having more fun learning together.
I would love feedback, so any ideas you have or thoughts I would love to hear them!
-kristina
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